Museum Planet is the second episode of the first series of The New Adventures of Oh Pi. It was written by Scoobydooman90001. It was the first truly standalone story as it didn't introduce the series or set up any story arcs.


It's up to Oh Pi to prevent the Earth from being transformed into a planet-sized museum when a stone totem creature begins converting everything around it into stone! Can he save the day or will he suffer the same fate?


It was a normal day and the city was still recovering after the recent Skarazanni attack that Oh Pi had fortunately put a stop to. Now that he was seemingly here to stay, there was a lot that needed to be done. Reports were to be made and Oh Pi was to be registered as official civilian and protector of the Virtue Sector. However, all of that could wait. The team were lounging around in the living room on the top floor watching television. There was nothing interesting on the TV but it helped pass the time. David was sat on the sofa with Oh Pi next to him and Katherine and Susan were sat on the individual armchairs. Barry was sat up at the table eating a sandwich. David browsed through the channels hoping that there would be something good on. Instead, all he could find was the usual repeats and the usual reality shows. He laid back in the chair and sighed. Oh Pi looked at him and assumed he was too exhausted to continue looking through the channels. He bent down and snatched the television remote with his beak. He pointed it at the screen and his two antennae flashed white. Without anyone using the remote, the television rapidly searched through every single channel. It checked thirty channels every second as it quickly made its way up to the last channel. Everyone just stared at the TV screen hoping that it would stop on something good. Instead, some sparks burst out of the TV and it turned off!
“Pi!” shouted Oh Pi, thinking he had successfully found a good channel.
“Umm… Thanks” said David, putting his face in his hands.
Katherine laid back in her chair. “I am so bored” she cried out.
“Tell me about it” moaned David as he browsed the internet on his phone.
“Why can’t something fun and interesting happen?” she asked.
It was at this moment that Frank burst through the door, catching the attention of his friends. “Everyone” he said. “Something fun and interesting has happened.” He walked back out into the corridor and everyone quickly followed him. Oh Pi continued to stare at the TV before David walked back into the room to grab him and take him with them. It was about time that something somewhat interesting happened.

“What is it this time?” asked Barry, climbing into the passenger seat of their jeep. “Another crash-landing?”
“No” said Frank.
“Well then what is it?” asked David.
“You know the local museum right?” Frank asked.
“Yeah” said David.
“The Virtue History Museum” said Susan, butting in.
“Some strange energy was picked up by our machines overnight and it all comes from that museum” answered Frank.
“So we’re basically going down to investigate?” asked David.
“Yes” confirmed Frank as he parked the jeep in the parking spaces just outside of the museum. The team climbed out of the jeep and they marched into the museum with Oh Pi hovering behind them. Barry attempted to ask a member of staff for help but Frank quickly stopped him.
“What gives?” he asked. “We’re the VKU, they’ll be able to help us here.”
“We don’t actually have a warrant to search this place” admitted Frank. “We can’t just go barging in and ruining everyone’s day.”
“You’re joking, right?” laughed David nervously. His laughter died down when he realized Frank wasn’t joking. “Oh dear…”
“We have to pretend like we are normal people just admiring the exhibits” said Frank, putting on sunglasses and a red cap.
“Nobody actually does that though” said Katherine. “How often do you actually see someone walk in here? Nobody cares about museums. Especially in the year 3007.”
“Well then perhaps we can be the people that start the trend of visiting them” he said, walking off down the hall. Barry quickly followed him.
David attempted to talk. “But what about---”
“---Come on Susan, let’s search around this way” interrupted Katherine.
David attempted to speak again. “But what about…” his voice trailed off. He looked at Oh Pi and wondered how he could possibly walk around the museum without anyone noticing the small creature. Having seemingly read his mind, Oh Pi looked up at him and morphed into a young ten-year-old boy.
“I’ll just… Okay” said David. He could pretty much accept anything now.

“Sir?” asked Barry. “Do you actually know where in the museum this energy signature came from?”
“No” he answered, pretending to check out the exhibits as he secretly ran his scanner over them. “Why do you ask?”
“It’s just that I’ve pulled up the museum layout on my phone so that I check what room has what exhibits” said Barry. “I doubt there’s going to be an unknown energy signature in a room full of stuffed penguins, sir.”
Frank looked at him. “Penguins are important.”
“If anything, it’ll be coming from that room with all of the ancient statues” said Barry. “It happens in the movies.”
“Barry” sighed Frank. “This isn’t a movie.”
“No sir, this is the Antarctic exhibit and we’re looking at stuffed penguins.”
Frank got up from his knees and checked the scanner. “There’s no energy traces here. It can’t be the penguins.”
“Really?” asked Barry. “I’m surprised by that. I really think we should---”
“---check out the polar bear exhibit over there?” Frank interrupted. “That’s a good idea. I should have thought of it myself.”

Meanwhile, David and Oh Pi (still disguised as a child) were walking through an exhibit on plant life. Oh Pi was running around like an excited child while David scanned the many different plants.
“I wonder” he said. “Are any of these real? They look kind of plastic.” He leant against the metal bar and looked at the ground before looking up at Oh Pi.
Oh Pi remained silent.
“Of course, I couldn't really expect an answer” sighed David. He looked around at the other exhibits, scanning them with his small gadget. None of them registered as anything weird.

Susan and Katherine were wandering about the totem exhibit. Susan was mostly enthusiastic while Katherine was pretty bored.
“I love museums” said Susan with a big grin on her face. “When I was a child, my dad used to bring me here. We’d look at all of the exhibits and I’d learn all about them and how they travelled around the world.” She was happily reminiscing about her past. She scanned a wooden totem pole.
“Yeah” said Katherine. “That’s great.”
“You could at least try and sound like you care” complained Susan.
“I’m sorry, Susan, I do care” said Katherine. “It’s just I don’t really like museums. They’ve always bored me... We once had this school trip to some old museum and me and my friend hated it. It was literally the most boring thing ever. Two hours felt like twenty and the place just stunk.”
“Well I’m sorry to hear that” said Susan as she continued to scan more totem poles. Katherine scanned some small tribal instruments and sighed. “Do you think there is actually some weird alien thing lurking around here?” Susan asked.
“To be honest, I think Frank just wanted to visit the museum.”
“He never mentioned any aliens” said Susan. “Just the energy trace.”
“Yeah, and how vague is that?” Katherine asked.
“Vague enough, because I just found something” said Susan, lifting her scanner up from the ground. Katherine walked over to her and looked at the scanner.
“This is a funny-looking totem pole” said Susan to herself.
“What’s wrong with it?” asked Katherine, staring into its large circular eyes.
“It’s the only one here that’s made of stone. Look around. All of the others are wooden.” She crouched down to look at the sign accompanying the statue. “Balboh?” she whispered. “What type of name is that?”
“It’s a nickname” echoed a loud male voice. Susan quickly turned around to face this man and hid her scanner, pretending it was a phone. The mysterious man walked over to Katherine and Susan and shook their hands.
“Uh, hello” said Katherine.
“How do you do?” he asked. “My name’s Greg. I’m the museum’s historian.”
“Nice to meet you” anxiously replied Susan. “So about this statue…”
“Ah, yes” said Greg as he examined the statue. He turned to Susan. “We don’t actually know what this thing is called. It’s ancient and we have no idea what era it even came from.”
“So where did you get the Balboh name from?” Katherine asked.
Greg turned to face her. “When we first obtained him, I nicknamed him Rocky. You know, after that classic film series from the 1980s Classic Era of movies. Not many people here liked that so they took Rocky’s last name and replaced the last letter with a ‘h’ to make it more appropriate.”
“I’m not sure I like the idea of historical artefacts being named after such old relics” said Susan. “Surely there’s a better way to go around naming things?” She put on a pout and folded her arms together. She wasn’t huge on the idea of naming ancient objects after movie characters.
“Is there anything else I can help you with?” he asked.
“No” said Susan. “Thanks for the help though.” Greg then left through the corridor and walked up the stairs to the next floor.
Susan looked at her scanner. “It’s definitely coming from this statue.” She pulled out her phone and set up a conference call with everything else. Meanwhile, Katherine felt the cold stone statue with her fingers and looked up at its eyes. It was staring down at her! In shock, she backed away and rubbed her eyes with her hands. After blinking a couple of times, she looked back up at the statue and saw that its eyes had moved back to their original position. Had she just dreamt that or did they really move? She couldn’t tell. “I’ve identified where the energy trace is coming from” said Susan. “If you meet me outside, I’ll tell you all.” She hung up the phone and quickly took a photo of Balboh.

Frank, Barry, David and Oh Pi were waiting outside of the museum. Susan and Katherine quickly came running out. Katherine bent down and panted.
“Okay” she said, trying to catch her breath. “Susan and I have…” She looked at Oh Pi, still in his human form. “Who… Who’s this?” she asked.
“It's me!” squeaked Oh Pi, clearly not used to his temporary human vocal cords. No longer needing his human form, he morphed back into his normal green, furry self.
“Okay” she said, slightly confused. “Anyways, we found out where the energy trace came from” she said.
Susan turned on her scanner and pulled out her phone, showing everyone the image of Balboh. “It’s coming from whatever this thing is” she said. “I scanned it and the scanner immediately began picking things up. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it before.”
“It’s all coming out from that thing?” Frank asked, looking at the picture on the phone. “We’ll pick it up in the morning and analyse it.”
“Are you sure you want to do that?” asked Katherine. “I’m getting evil vibes from it. When I was in there, I swore it looked at me. I’ve no idea if I actually saw that or not. I don’t like it though.”
“You’re just seeing things” said Frank, completely ignoring her. They all got back in the jeep and drove away from the museum. Inside the building, a strange grunting sound emanated from Balboh and a small coiling red tendril of energy lashed out at the walls around him before receding back into him. His eyes flashed red and his curled arms began to twitch. After listening to the jeep drive away, he returned to being an ordinary stone statue.

Back at the base, Susan had printed out a full photo of Balboh and pinned it up on the wall above her laptop. She stared at it and tried to think of where it could possibly have come from.
“Definitely not from Easter Island” she smiled to herself. “No totem poles there… Just some old statues and a giant holiday resort built using carvings from them…”
Barry stood at the door and listened to her ramble on. “Are you okay?”
She turned to look at him. “I’m trying to figure out where this came from. It doesn’t match any of the records we have of any other artifacts, yet it can’t have been forged as it has suffered from damage and wear. It’s just… I don’t know what to say.” She yawned and rested her head on her right hand.
“You may want to go to sleep” said Barry, rubbing his eyes. “It’s late.”
“How late?” she asked.
“Late as in most people are asleep at two in the morning” he answered back.
“Well why aren’t you asleep?” she asked.
“I’ve got to file these last few reports, then I’m gonna catch a few winks myself.” He let out a loud yawn. Meanwhile, Katherine slept calmly in her room. It had been a very boring day and she had finally got some time to herself. The lights were off and the radio next to her bed played a nice, soothing melody. Suddenly, the room flickered red. In the museum, Balboh was awake. It blinked a couple of times and straightened out its arms before curling them back together again. Greg walked into a room with a cup of tea, catching Balboh’s attention. Its eyes darted towards him and its mouth began to move, creating a loud moaning sound. It turned around to face him and unleashed a long red tendril of burning energy! It wrapped around Greg’s neck and began to burn the poor historian, before suddenly transforming him completely into stone. The coiling energy tendril wrapped around the small bars surrounding Balboh and turned them into a very fragile type of stone. They immediately cracked and turned into a soft powder. Balboh was free! His eyes glowed red and he look out another grunt. Katherine was still asleep in her bed. The stone dust on her fingers suddenly flashed red and multiple small tendrils rose above her bed. She woke up and let out a loud scream, but it was too late. One of the tendrils grabbed her by the arm and transformed her into stone! The other tendrils began grabbing multiple things in her room, transforming all of them into stone.

Oh Pi woke up and immediately hovered out of his dog basket. He zoomed down the corridor and tracked down Katherine’s scream. He found Susan and Barry pressed up against her bedroom door, keeping it closed.
“Pi?” asked Oh Pi.
“Oh Pi!” shouted Susan, breathing a sigh of relief. “Can you please help us? Some horrible red tentacle thing is trying to get through the door!”
Oh Pi looked at the door and saw the flickering red light inside of Katherine’s fully converted bedroom. The door suddenly turned into stone and the tendrils burst through! One reached towards Barry but he avoided it. The other successfully latched onto the top of Susan’s head and she cried out in pain as her body was converted to stone. Barry backed away and quickly ran down the hallway, taking Oh Pi with him. “We’ve got to find the others!” he shouted. He opened David’s bedroom door and looked in but nobody was inside. He rushed down the corridor to Frank’s bedroom, barging through the door. Frank was nowhere to be found. Barry backed out of the room and back in the corridor. Where could they have possibly gone to?
“Barry?” asked Frank, emerging from the toilet. “What’s going on?”
Before Barry could explain what was happening, a red tendril wrapped around Frank’s waist, burning through his clothes and attacking his skin. He too had been turned into stone! Afraid, Barry ran down the staircase and headed towards David’s laboratory. However, he found multiple tendrils reaching up from the bottom of the staircase. Backed into a corner, Barry had nowhere to run. The tendrils all attacked him at once and reached down his throat, transforming him into stone as well. Oh Pi quickly dived out of his hands and through the door, entering a corridor that had been fully converted to stone. He looked up and down the corridor in an attempt to find David. Instead, he saw multiple tendrils reaching out from multiple ventilation access points. With nowhere else to go, Oh Pi flew directly towards the closest window and smashed through it, completely shattering it and sending fragments down to the streets below. He observed as multiple tendrils covered multiple buildings in their mission to convert everything to stone. It was likely that these tendrils had come from people who had come into contact with Balboh just as Katherine had. Oh Pi flew high into the sky to locate Balboh.

Just outside the museum, Balboh was enjoying the fresh air. He had been trapped inside of that building for so long and had forgotten what it was like to be out in the open. He fired two red lasers out of his eyes and hit a car, turning it into a stone statue just like himself. Four red tendrils rose from the car and began converting the area around it. He suddenly spotted a small green speck in the sky. It was Oh Pi! He turned around to face him and fired a red laser at him. However, he missed and the laser burnt straight through a cloud. However, he had successfully caught Oh Pi’s attention. Oh Pi flew down towards him and grew to kaiju size mid-flight. Landing on the ground in front of Balboh, he let out a loud roar. Balboh unleashed two red tendrils and fired them at Oh Pi’s antennae. The tendrils managed to do this but Oh Pi heated up his antennae, immediately evaporating them. Oh Pi quickly opened his beak and a smaller second mouth reached out. It quickly fired a bright blue beam, scorching Balboh’s right eye. In agony, he rubbed it with his hand and snarled. He fired two lasers from his eyes, but Oh Pi fired his mouth laser again, blocking both of them. This angered Balboh even more. He snarled and his eyes glowed red. Every tendril in the city stopped converting buildings and remained motionless. They all twisted around to face Oh Pi and darted towards him. Many of them successfully hit him and they began converting him to stone. Balboh let out a deep laugh as he watched Oh Pi become a statue. However, Oh Pi had other plans. He shrunk in size to miniscule form and quickly expanded, destroying the stone shell around him and evaporating the red coiling tendrils. More tendrils dashed towards him but he successfully dodged them by jumping out of the way. They reached up into the sky and turned back around to head towards him. Ignoring them, Oh Pi turned around to face Balboh. His antennae flashed white and he spat a gigantic ball of flame directly into Balboh’s face, completely exploding him! The tendrils ceased to exist and everything that had been converted into stone slowly began to reverse and change back to normal.

Back at the base, the VKU team were finally free of their stone tombs.
“Barry?” asked Frank. “Barry? What was wrong? What did you need?”
He marched down the corridor and found Barry on the staircase. “What are you doing hiding on the staircase?” he asked. “There are reports to file! Then you can go to sleep and we can head to the museum later and take that statue out of their hands.”
“That won’t be necessary” said David, walking up to him from behind.
“What do you mean?” Frank asked.
“Well Oh Pi’s stood over its dead body in the middle of the streets. It’s been completely destroyed.” Right after David said this, Oh Pi emerged from behind the door and hovered next to him. “Hey there” said David.
“We should probably check on Katherine and Susan” suggested Barry, slowly getting over what had just happened to him. They went to her room and found her sat on her bed with a cup of coffee. Susan was sat down next to her.
“You’re alright” said David with a smile on his face.
“Yes, but I think I’m scarred for life” she responded. She turned to look at them. “This may just be me and may not extend to any of you, but I don’t think I want to go to a museum ever again.” She took a sip from her drink. “Ever.”







  • This is the first of two stories from the first series that does not feature Nurth.
  • This is the first story in which Oh Pi speaks English.
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