The Human Ohpinian is the fifth episode of the first series of The New Adventures of Oh Pi. It was written by Scoobydooman90001 and was the first to be written after a long hiatus for the series.


When a mad scientist creates a human clone of Oh Pi, the team heads out to investigate. However, things soon take a turn for the worse when No Pi begins suffering an existential crisis.


It had been a couple of months since Bunny had attacked the Virtue Sector and tried to consume everything. Everyone was slowly recovering from the events in those past months. The Skarazanni attacking Earth... The totem that tried to petrify the Earth... The weird pig thing with cannons for arms and the constantly-expanding rabbit monster made of flesh… Christmas had come and gone and luckily nothing horrible had happened. Susan was busy taking the Christmas decorations down, and Barry was supposed to be helping but had spent most of his time simply holding a plastic box for her. David was slowly waking up on the couch, recovering from a tremendous hangover. Meanwhile, Frank and Katherine were back to business as usual, very much devoted to their jobs.
“Susan…” groaned David.
“Yes?” she asked, throwing some tinsel over Barry’s face.
“Are… Are the decorations down yet?” he asked.
“No, David. Go back to sleep and ask again in another twenty minutes” she sarcastically replied, covering Barry with more tinsel and a banner.
“I really don’t feel that well” he said. “I don’t get drunk that often… I need a drink…” He got up, headed over to the fridge and opened the door.
Inside the fridge on the top shelf was Oh Pi! He had been hibernating in there for the past few months after he had struggled to digest Bunny. Ignoring the fluffy creature, David crouched them to the bottom shelves and withdrew a bottle of water.
“Remarkably low tech for 3008” he said to himself, shutting the fridge door with his foot and popping the lid off of the bottle. He took a good sip from it and stretched his arms. “Think I’m beginning to feel a lot better!”

Elsewhere, in an abandoned warehouse, a lone scientist was inputting commands into a machine. He was short and had very messy hair. It looked as if he had never even cleaned it once. He had a small stubble, blue eyes and his hair was a fair brown colour. The room was dark, with only one light dangling from the ceiling and cobwebs were pretty much everywhere.
“This time it’ll definitely work” said the scientist, assuring himself that his experiment wouldn’t fail yet again. He briefly looked at the machine in front of him. It was a metallic pod, purple in colour and covered with dust. On the front of it was a glass door, allowing him to see inside of it. Attached to the pod was a small rectangular container with small tufts of green fur suspended in water. This fur had been obtained from the aftermath of Oh Pi’s battle with Bunny, who had torn some small parts of it off. Multiple tables surrounded the pod, each with different scientific tools and instruments. Genetic waste had been discarded in a small bin where it couldn’t be seen. The place had a disgusting aroma to it, presumably because of all of the experimentation this scientist had tried out there. Finishing with his code, he pulled a switch and watched as the machine slowly lit up. Inside the machine, a genetically engineered headless human body strapped to a metal board rose upwards. The inside of the pod emitted a gaseous cloud and a metal claw descended from a little compartment in the top of the pod. The claw was holding an unborn Oh Pi foetus that had no fur. It had no legs and instead the bottom of its body was opened up, torn open with a scalpel. The claw slowly lowered the foetus to the neck of the human body, making sure it wasn’t off by any small distance. Suddenly, multiple organic tubes, sort of like tentacles, lashed out from the bottom of the foetus and it fused itself to the human body, joining the two of them as one. The machine suddenly made a loud, high-pitched whirring noise and gas filled the pod, hiding the hybrid human from view. Electricity crackled within the machine and multiple mechanical arms with different tools attached to them did the work. Without warning, the glass door on the pod suddenly slammed open and a large cloud flooded out, slowly clearing away to reveal the human hybrid. It had a white gown wrapped around it, hiding its nude body. It let out a small coughed and took two steps out of the machine, slowly learning how to walk. It nearly stumbled over, but quickly regained its balance. It lifted its up, looking towards the ceiling and let out a deep breath, breathing for the very first time.
“Yes! I did it! I actually did it!” shouted the scientist, clapping his hands together in joy. He ran over to his creation and took a good look at it. “After months and months of testing, I finally did it. I can’t believe it…”
His creation looked at him in confusion, unaware of who he was or where they were. Everything was new to him.
“Welcome to the world” smiled the scientist, marvelling his human hybrid. “My name is Doctor Monroe. I created you.”
“Pi” coughed the hybrid in a low-pitch voice. “No… Pi!” it repeated, this time deliberately saying it.
“No Pi… It speaks” said Monroe to himself. “Not a big vocabulary, but its able to speak… Over time, you and I will achieve great things together” he exclaimed. He turned around and wrote some notes down in his notebook before turning back around to face his hybrid. “You… You may want to put on some clothes first though...”

Later in the afternoon, Barry was feeding Nurth in his giant indoor habitat. It was yet another boring task that he been given. Little did he know, Susan had already fed him about half an hour ago as part of a test to see if he had any negative reactions to what he was being given. If anything, Nurth could consider himself lucky for being fed twice.
“Of all the things for my life to amount to… An errand boy…” groaned Barry. “I shouldn’t have turned down my brother’s offer to help run that kiosk…”
“Barry!” shouted Susan, slamming the doors open and marching towards him. “He’s already been fed, you don’t need to feed him again” she said, lightly hitting him across the back of the head. She quickly removed the trolley of food from Nurth’s pen and sealed the habitat shut.
“Jeez” he said, rubbing the back of his head. “All I---”
“Also there’s some weird thing on TV” she interrupted. “David said you’d be interested. Doctor Monroe is unveiling something again.”
“Aren’t you coming? You’re a scientist” he said.
“Nah, can’t stand the guy” she answered. “Stuck up and egotistical.”
“Reminds me of someone I know…” said Barry, heading towards the door.
“Byeee” she said, blissfully unaware that he was referring to her.

David was already sat down on the couch with Katherine, watching the TV. Barry, still rubbing his head, sat down in an armchair and joined them.
“You alright?” asked Katherine, noticing his head injury.
“Yeah, I’m fine” he said. “Susan hit me over the head. Nothing new.”
“Well you know she didn’t mean it, so that’s fine” said Katherine, turning back towards the TV. The news was reporting live to a large observatory where all of the top scientists often met up.
“What’s he announcing then?” asked Barry, ignoring the fact that Katherine didn’t seem to be that bothered by his bruise.
“Don’t know” said David. “He said it’s a big step in scientific history though.”

Live on location, Doctor Monroe was stood next to a huge box covered with a giant purple curtain.
“In our long history, there have been many amazing discoveries in the field of science!” he shouted. “But today, I bring to you what is quite possibly one of the greatest advancements in science and genetic engineering yet! We’ve tampered with such a subject through our long history, but nothing has really ever come of it. We’ve had Dolly the Sheep and Ralph the Rat, we even successfully restored that mammoth in 2989! We…” He tried to recall other scientific marvels that had happened within the last eight or nine centuries but found he was struggling to do so. “We… We sure had our large scientific debates, and some people deemed it ethically wrong to do such a wild thing, but such notions shall surely be placed firmly in the past after I show you what I have here!” he exclaimed, gesturing towards the curtain-covered box. An eager young lady moved towards the box, ready to pull away the curtain. “For in this box, I present to you… The future!” he shouted. She pulled away the curtain and revealed the hybrid he had created. It was now wearing a brown sweater, a red tie and black trousers. It didn’t need shoes as its feet were just like Oh Pi’s feet, large and red. He pressed up against the glass to get a good look at the people around him. Everyone around him gasped in shock and instantly began snapping pictures of the creature.

“What the hell is that?” asked David, getting closer to the screen.
“It looks just like Oh Pi…” remarked Katherine.
“Yeah, if he was a human and wore formal clothing” sarcastically said Barry.
“It’s not Oh Pi… It’s sort of like… An Oh Pi combined with a human. It’s… a No Pi” he said, naming the hybrid.

“Having combined the DNA of a human and an Ohpinian, I have created the world’s first ever living, breathing super soldier!” shouted Doctor Monroe.

“An Ohpinian?” asked David.
“Super soldier? The guy’s out of his mind” said Barry.

“With the same level of power as Oh Pi, my creation can do whatever he does! He can perform many different tasks! We can send them out to war, we can have them in our homes, we can use them for everything! Infinite power and potential! We humans no longer own the planet. We never have. From this day onwards, Earth will be a shared planet! Humans and Humipians shall live as one” he explained.
“But Mr. Monroe” asked a reporter, pushing through a crowd. “It’s one thing to clone a human hybrid like this, but it’s something else to dictate what’s going to happen to our planet. You can’t just declare that we’re gonna show it with these things. That’s up to government, and officials, all of that” he said.
“I do understand that, friend” he answered. “I shall demonstrate the capabilities of my creation at a later date, and hopefully the right decision will be made on what is done here. I have faith that the right choice will be taken and that we will be able to share our planet.”

“I don’t like how he first referred to him as a super soldier…” said Katherine, worried at what this experiment could mean for the future. “How’d he even manage to clone Oh Pi to begin with?” she asked. “We’ve had him inside the fridge for quite a while now.”
“I guess he must have obtained it in the aftermath of one of Oh Pi’s battles” deduced David. “We’ve gotta go down and see Doctor Monroe about this” he said. “What he has done is very unethical…”
“Agreed” said Barry, getting up to grab his coat. “It also gives me something interesting to write a report about. You’ve no idea how often I have to write reports about random creature sightings.”

“Why do I have to come?” asked Susan, leaning against Katherine in the back seat of the jeep.
“Because you’re a part of the team and you’re our lead scientist” replied David, paying attention to the road.
“Yeah but Frank doesn’t have to come” she answered back. “And I’m an animal biologist. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna know everything about this weird hybrid thing that mad man has created in his spare time.”
“Frank has a lot of other things to do. He can’t join us on every trip we take. There’s no immediate danger” said David.
“You’re being very cranky today” noted Katherine, moving her arm so that it wasn’t crushed by Susan.
“I’m tired…” she said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “I don’t like this Monroe guy and I couldn’t care less if he wants to make an army of soldiers or something. They won’t legalise it. It’s unethical.”
“You don’t like anyone” said Barry, rubbing the back of his head so that she would know he hadn’t forgotten.
“I like some people” she answered. “Most of them just happen to be boring or annoying.” Before she could say anything else, the jeep pulled up outside of the observatory. The press were still hounded the building, trying to get through the doors so that they could get an exclusive interview with Doctor Monroe. The team got out of the vehicle and walked up the steps, pushing past the news reporters and displaying their ID cards so that they could enter the building. Susan put her hands in her pockets and looked around the giant room. The floor had a beautiful red carpet running across it, a lot of expensive chandeliers hung from the ceiling and multiple different exhibits were lined up showcasing some of humanity’s greatest accomplishments in science. Each one had a small computer pad that would tell the user about the exhibit and what it represented. The place actually looked pretty impressive.
“This place isn’t half bad” said Susan, walking up to a memory chip contained in a glass container. This was obviously just a replica, as the real chip was either long gone or was being preserved somewhere safe from any harm. “The memory chip that acts like a human brain...” she read out loud.
“Hey there, welcome, welcome!” shouted a custodian as he approached them. He shook their hands and noted their IDs. “From the… kaiju unit?” he asked.
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” asked Katherine, getting defensive.
“Nothing!” assured the custodian. “Just weren’t expecting you to turn up. I take it you’re here because of Mr. Monroe’s magnificent work?” he asked.
“Actually, yes” said David. He shook the custodian’s hand and pulled out a picture of Oh Pi. “We just want to talk to Doctor Monroe about some of the ‘Ohpinian’ DNA that he used for his research” he explained.
“Ah, right, okay sir” said the custodian. “I’ll go see if I can fetch him.” He left through a door leading into an office.

“Good news!” said the custodian, returning from the room a couple of minutes later. “He said you can go him and see him.” He gestured towards the door and left to go and do something else. David led Barry, Susan and Katherine into the room where they came face to face with Monroe, who was sat at a desk filling out some forms. Susan sat down in the closest chair and crossed her legs, already feeling bored.
“Uh, hello?” asked Barry, approaching Doctor Monroe.
“Yeah, uh huh, gotta go now” said Monroe, hanging up the phone and looking up towards Barry and David. “May I help you?” he asked.
“Yes” said David, displaying his ID card. “We’re from the Kaiju Unit and wanted to ask you about that weird Oh Pi thing… That No Pi…”
“You mean Jim?” asked Monroe, turning around to face No Pi as he emerged from behind a bookcase.
“You named him?” asked Katherine. “Great… It’s always worse when they name them… They get too sentimentally attached…”
“May I ask why you’re here?” asked Monroe, turning back towards them.
“We would like to know how you obtained these so-called ‘Ohpinian’ cells and why you used them without the consent of official organizations” said David, putting a picture of Oh Pi on Monroe’s desk. Noticing the photo, No Pi jumped over towards the desk and looked at it. He snatched it up using a second tongue in his throat and chewed on it, falling to the floor and rolling around.
“He even acts like Oh Pi…” whispered Barry, nudging David’s arm.
“I obtained them after his battle with that giant bunny rabbit creature” explained Doctor Monroe, leaning back in his chair. “That creature tore off some of the furballs patches of fur and I seized the opportunity to use them. When life gives you lemons---”
“---You make lemonade” interrupted David. “You don’t combine it with that of a human being. In fact, you should probably give the lemons back to whoever they came from” he said.
“Right…” said Doctor Monroe, not paying attention to anything David had just said to him. “Is that all you come here to ask for?” he asked. “If you don’t mind me saying, I don’t think that warrants bringing a bodyguard with you and two young, attractive ladies” he laughed.
Susan quickly rose out of her chair. “This young, attractive lady will show you how unattractive life can be if you don’t stop being such a fu---”
“---I’m not his bodyguard!” quickly interrupted Barry, keen to keep the peace. “Sir, you need to accept that what you’ve done is unethical and---”
“---Well of course it’s unethical” said Doctor Monroe, interrupting him.
“Then why do it?” asked David.
“Because I can, maybe?” he retorted. “It’s a scientific breakthrough” he said, standing up and putting his arms around No Pi’s shoulders. “You can’t just ignore that!”
“Well this scientific breakthrough is going to have to come with us, I’m afraid” said Katherine, grabbing No Pi’s tentacle-esque hand and leading him away from Doctor Monroe. “I’m a scientist and a nurse” she explained. “I need to analyse him and check if he is okay.” Before Doctor Monroe could argue, she and Susan left the room with No Pi. Barry soon followed, leaving David with Doctor Monroe.
“Well… See you later” said David, giving a little wave and exiting the room.

No Pi found himself squished in between Susan and Katherine in the back of the jeep. He was tugging at his seat belt, not sure what it was. Assuming it was food, he began chewing on it. Susan tapped him on the beak, making him sit back up and leave it alone.
“What if this thing isn’t a clone and it’s just Oh Pi’s dad or something?” asked Susan, putting her head against the window.
“Don’t be so ridiculous” said David, briefly looking back at her. No Pi began chewing his belt again, prompting Susan to tap him yet again.

They later arrived back at headquarters and No Pi had been escorted back to the section of the building designated to their specific group. It had took a while to get him there as he had literally shown curiosity towards every single thing he had seen on the way there. Everything was new to him and he hadn’t seen any of it before. David led him to a couch where he could sit down and watch whatever was on the TV. It was a show about antique auctions, so it wasn’t really anything that interesting.
“Pi…” groaned No Pi, rubbing his stomach.
“You’re hungry?” asked David. “Right, let’s see what we’ve got that you can eat…” he said, walking over to the fridge. He pulled the door open and Oh Pi suddenly burst out of the fridge, springing back to life after his long hibernation. His fur flashed blue, followed by No Pi’s skin flashing blue. It seemed that Oh Pi recognized him as a fellow Ohpinian. He darted through the air towards No Pi and hovered around him, circling him and looking at him from top to bottom.
“Pi!” exclaimed Oh Pi, seemingly pleased by No Pi’s presence.
“He can sense that they’re of the same species” explained Susan, leaning forwards against the couch and looking at the two of them.
“Pi?” asked No Pi, standing up and looking into Oh Pi’s eyes. Something in his mind suddenly clicked and he collapsed forevers, smashing a glass table!
“Are you alright?” asked Katherine, quickly rushing over to help him get back up. Once back on his feet, No Pi took another look at Oh Pi, closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands.
“What’s happening?” asked David, unsure of what to do.
“Pi… Pi… No…” said No Pi, backing away. He opened his eyes and like a mini TV screen, visions of Oh Pi’s past battles from his point of view flashed in his eyes. He was remembering what Oh Pi could remember!
“He shares Oh Pi’s memories!” shouted Susan, getting closer to have a good look. No Pi pushed her away, closed his eyes and then opened them again as they faded back to normal. He looked at the nearest window and attempted to fire beams from his antennae at it. However, nothing happened… He let out a loud wail and ran towards the window, diving through it and falling down towards the ground. Shocked, the group ran towards the window to look at him. He had fortunately landed on top of a moving truck that had broken his fall. He looked up at the window he had jumped out of and quickly got off of the truck, running around a street corner and out of sight.
“Talk about an existential crisis…” remarked Barry.
David looked at him and frowned but decided not to say anything about it. He grabbed a small device off of a shelf and ran towards the door. “We’ve got to find him before anything happens” he ordered. The other three followed his advice and joined him as he entered an elevator.

No Pi was now roaming the streets on his own. He had found his way to a rundown neighbourhood. He didn’t feel very safe, but he didn’t know what to feel right now. He suddenly had a lot of new memories in his head and his thoughts were all conflicted with each other. He wasn’t sure what to do. Was he Oh Pi? He had no idea. Holding the sides of his head, he slowly walked through the streets, leaning against a wall for support.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Someone, help!” shouted a voice.
No Pi’s eyes skin flashed blue again and he ran towards where the voice had come from, eager to help. He quickly found an adult woman in an alleyway, and a man was pushing her against a wall. He had a knife against her throat and was trying to grab at her handbag.
“Just hand it over and there won’t be any problems, girlie” he angrily sat, spitting as he barked demands at her. No Pi approached them and rubbed his hands together, ready to fight another villain worthy of joining the rogues gallery of totem poles, aliens and mutated animals.
“Huh, who are you?” asked the criminal. Before he could say anything else, No Pi pounced towards him! He pushed the man aside and grabbed the woman, pushing her down to the ground and kicking her. He got down on his knees, turned her over and punched her repeatedly in the face, spilling more and more blood with each hit.
“Pi... Hand… Over… No… Problems… Pi…” grunted No Pi, beating her after each separate word. He delivered one final blow and she stopped breathing. He grabbed her handbag and handed it to the shocked criminal, believing she had stolen it from him. The criminal, too shocked and appalled to say anything, stood still and stared blankly into the distance. No Pi patted him on the back and heroically ran out of the alley, ready to dish out more justice.

He then came across a child who had accidentally kicked his football into a sealed area featuring a lot of conductive machinery that electrocuted anyone to the touch. The boy was jumping up at the fence in a futile attempt to reach his ball. He obviously knew he couldn’t go in there as he would be instantly zapped to death, so what could he possibly do? No Pi soon appeared from out of the bushes, soaked in water after having fell into a river. He approached the child and noticed his football dilemma.
“Can you help me, mister?” asked the child, pointing to his ball. No Pi nodded his head and using his just-above-average strength, pulled the gate up and out of the ground. He quickly pushed the kid into the sealed area and dropped the fence, unknowingly trapping the kid inside. Assuming the kid could now reach his ball, retrieve it and leave the area, No Pi left the scene and headed out towards a street.
“Hey handsome” said a young woman, quickly grabbing him and pushing herself up against him. “That was really brave helping that boy get his ball back…” She ignored a loud zapping sound in the background, not aware that No Pi had left the child in the sealed area instead of retrieving the ball for him. “Oh!” she shouted, feeling his water-soaked clothes. “You’re soaking!” she exclaimed. No Pi looked into her eyes, not able to understand a single word that she was saying. “We can take this back to some other place and get soaked in something else, if you’d like” she requested, biting her lip seductively. Just half an hour later, the two of them were lying down in a messy bed in a hotel room. They were both completely naked but were mostly covered up by the covers. She rolled onto her back and smoked a cigarette.
“That was amazing” she said, putting her cigarette to her mouth and smoking from it again.

“He could be anywhere!” shouted Barry, struggling to keep up with Katherine as they rushed through the streets. They had been looking for No Pi for an hour now and it would soon be night. Susan and David were elsewhere, also looking for him. They had split up to cover more ground.
“David” said Susan, tugging at his arm to get his attention.
“What?” he asked, stopping in his tracks.
“He’s just come out of that hotel” she said, pointing to the hotel doors. They watched as No Pi walked down the steps, straightening his tie and smoothing out his antennae so that they weren’t drooping down.
“No Pi!” shouted David, getting his attention. No Pi spotted the two of them and began running away. David and Susan quickly gave chase as David whipped out his phone. “Guys, he’s heading your way!” shouted David. Katherine and Barry quickly began running in the direction towards David and Susan under the notion that No Pi was running away from them. They rushed through large crowds of people, pushing past them so that they could find No Pi. They soon saw him running towards them and changed direction to run directly towards him. He spotted them coming towards him and dashed down an alleyway to get away. Katherine and Barry followed him into the alleyway, soon joined by David and Susan. No Pi attempted to jump over a fence but accidentally tripped over, falling face-first into the ground. David pulled the device from earlier out of his pocket and opened it up, revealing he had tracked No Pi down. He pressed a small phone-shaped symbol on the screen and sent out a signal to catch Oh Pi’s attention. Mere seconds later he flew into view and descended down towards them in the alleyway.
“Pi!” he squeaked, looking at No Pi. His fur flashed blue again, but this time No Pi’s skin didn’t flash. No Pi looked at Oh Pi and closed his eyes in an attempt to ignore his existential crisis.
“Oh Pi” said David, looking up at him. “Can you fix him?” he asked. “You two seem to have some weird kind of connection that’s mentally harming him, and it needs to be fixed” he said.
“Pi” said Oh Pi, happily obliging. His antennae glowed yellow and No Pi’s skin flickered between red and it's normal colour. No Pi slowly opened his eyes and looked up towards everyone in confusion.
“No Pi?” asked David, crouching down to match his line of sight.
“Me?” asked No Pi. “That’s who you are referring to, sir?” he asked. Everyone gasped in shock. David stood up and looked at Oh Pi, who rolled his eyes as the Ohpinian equivalent of shrugging his shoulders.
“Are… Are you okay?” asked David.
“Me? Yes sir, I’m quite fine, thank you very much. Now please, old chap, if you could call me Charles, that’d be just great” said No Pi, standing up and wiping dirt off of his knees.
“Oh Pi, what have you done?” asked David, completely baffled.
“You can… talk?” asked Susan.
“Well of course I can, my dear”said No Pi. “What person doesn’t talk?” he asked. “Now what are all of us doing huddled up in this alleyway?” he asked.
“Well… I… Uh…” David wasn’t sure what to say.
“It’s as if Oh Pi has completely erased his memories and replaced them with someone else's…” said Katherine, backing away and standing next to David.
“What are you blabbering about?” asked No Pi. “Now, if you excuse me, I have a flight to catch.” He pushed past them and left the alleyway.
“What do we do?” asked Susan, turning to look at David.
“He’s got a flight to catch” said Barry calmly. “This is going to make for a brilliant report.”
“We… Uh... “ trailed off David. “As Barry said… He’s got a flight to catch…”
“Pi!” squeaked Oh Pi, assuming he had heroically saved the day.

Later that night, No Pi (or Charles, as he now called himself) was sat in the airport. Strangely enough, nobody paid attention to the fact that he clearly didn’t look like them. He checked his watch and groaned.
“Ten more sodding minutes… Fantastic…” he sarcastically said to himself. “Well, I can’t sit here and do nothing. I need to take a whizz.” He got out of his seat and headed to the nearest toilets and entered the gents. Unzipping his trousers, he prepared to pee in the urinals when two mysterious people stepped out of the closest toilet cubicles in unison. “So then… No Pi…” said the one on the left.
“You know my alias, good sirs?” asked No Pi, quickly zipping his trousers back up and turning around to face the two of them. They both wore black cloth over their heads that completely masked away their true appearances. They both wore black trench coats with black shirts, trousers and boots. They had black leather gloves though it didn’t completely reach their sleeves, very partially exposing their skin underneath. It was blue and like that of a rock. It was certainly unlike any human.
“The new Oh Pi, huh?” asked the one on the right.
“My dear fellows, I’ve no idea what you’re talking about” said No Pi with complete honesty. “Who are you?”
“Salvation” said the one on the left.
“The last one failed. She wasn’t up to the task...” said the one on the right. “But you… You’re perfect” he said. Though he was wearing cloth over his face, he was visibly smirking. No Pi backed away as they began to walk towards him, but slipped and fell backwards into the urinal.
“Stay away from me!” he shouted, pushing back as they suddenly lunged forwards and grabbed him. The one on the right grabbed him by the arm and yanked him forwards, pulling him down onto his knees. In fear, No Pi tried to crawl away and towards the exit. However, the one on the left suddenly kicked him in the back, knocking him down to the floor. The one on the right soon joined in and kicked him as hard as he could. He then crouched down, grabbed No Pi’s antennae and pulled his head up.
“Tonight’s flight has been cancelled” alerted a voice over a speaker system. “We apologize for any inconvenience we may have caused.”
“Don’t worry” said the one on the left, crouching down to join No Pi and the other one.
“You’ll be catching a different flight…”







  • This was the first episode to have been written after the series went into a long hiatus. The original incomplete draft of the episode had been lost after my original computer broke, resulting in the loss of a lot of work on multiple different projects and college work.
  • The fact that it has taken so long for this episode to be finished is referenced at the beginning of this story. Not only has a lot of time passed in real life, but so much time has passed in the universe itself that they've already celebrated Christmas and have began taking down the decorations.
  • In order to change up the format and put the focus on No Pi, the roles of Frank, Oh Pi and Nurth were heavily minimized for this episode, with each of them either being mentioned or just appearing in brief cameos.
  • Many parts of this episode went under multiple revisions. One major aspect that was changed was that No Pi was originally going to end up in a battle with a new kaiju before being saved by Oh Pi. This was changed as it didn't feel right introducing a new character just for Oh Pi to immediately kill off.
  • This is the first episode to feature no kaiju other than Oh Pi and Nurth. No Pi does not count as a kaiju and is instead a kaijin. He is the first kaijin to appear in the series.
  • This is the first episode of the series in which a character is either shown to have sex or is implied to have done so, as is shown by the scene with No Pi in the hotel room with an unknown woman.
Scoobydooman90001's Stories
The First Day of the Rest of My Life • Small Suns in the Night • The Painting That Cried • In The Butchery • Emergence • Night with a Murderer • Emotional Remembrance • From a Dimension of Death • Day with an Immortal • Snowglobe
The New Adventures of Oh Pi
The Arrival of Oh Pi (Unfinished 2016 Draft)
The Arrival of Oh PiMuseum PlanetSeeing Pink ElephantsThe Attack of the Very Creative Rabbit MonsterThe Human OhpinianValve Sells Out AgainOh Pi and the Child Murderer • Oh Pi Meets His Match • The Gun Incident • The Stupid Monster • Silent Invasion • Pluto Still Isn't a Planet • The Death of Oh Pi • Verri Unimpressive • The Censor Bar of Death • Not the Bees! • Nurthed Beyond Belief • Verri Strange • The Crossover • Convenient
Shin Minilla: Hero of Japan
Slightly TroubledUnderground BeastsThe Lesser KnownHalf Brother • Seatopia Rising • Japan Descending • What Happened On My Holiday • Centipede Shin • Millennian Colonisation • Planets Collide
Council of Creators
Episode 2Episode 5Episode 9Episode 14Episode 15Episode 16Episode 18Episode 19Episode 24Episode 27Episode 28Episode 32Episode 33Episode 36Episode 37Episode 38Episode 42Episode 49Happy ChristmasEpisode 51Episode 52
Council of Creators - Side Stories
Meme DownfallSingles In Your Area
Maria in the Multiverse
Star-Struck • Maria on the Planet of the Dinosaurs • Social Call • The City of Emptiness • The Best Resort in the Universe • Where Only Happiness Lies • Planet Beyond the Sun • Drifting Through Space • Martin in the Multiverse • Hidden Trades
The Amazing Godzilla Man
The Superhero That Deliberately Destroyed Japan Multiple Times
Other Stories
Dahmos - This Is Me